Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
