I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
