I faked an abortion last night.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
