its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
