HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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