I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
