so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
