hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
