Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
