you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
