you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think my fart just growled at me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
