I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My pussy is not your playground.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
