I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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