I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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