just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
