Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
