4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
