I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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