Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
