she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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