I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
