Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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