Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
