make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
