oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
