if you like me you must not know who I am
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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