No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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