Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
