I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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