You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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