Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
