She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
