I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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