I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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