Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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