just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
worst night to have a conscience
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
