No, drunk sperm still make babies.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
