one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
