The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
