What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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