Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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