Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
