Non-Jews are for practice
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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