my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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