First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
