UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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