i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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