I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
