So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
