I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
