so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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